mood: grieved
listen: real love - massari

i just couldnt figure out why does it seems so easy for you to say goodbye just like that. I wonder..have you been waiting for this day? i just cant believe that this day actually exist. i kept wondering non-stop. reasons such as family problems seem to be unreasonable to me. cause obviously you do know that being together supposedly meant to be supporting and helping each other. i could support you. i could help you. what for i spent my times worrying for you like fuck when you didnt came home last weekend. all that worrying had gone wasted since you dont seem to be fucking care about it at all. you do know that your family problems is so heavy that you yourself cant handle it what more for me. how come i can still tolerate you and your problems and still be there for you? if i were to follow my heart, i would long to be apart from you. but why i didnt? simply i love you. thats all. seems that you dont. i know, i'm partly at fault too for going out with other of my guyfriends when you already forbid me too. but you know that they are just friends[i mean it!] and i'm stubborn right? i know my limits and im not that really stupid okay. how come you cant tolerate with that? i'm willing to help you with your heavy problems but you just dont want me to. and easily asked me to just ignore you and find other persons to entertain me? seriously i find it stupid. you make me hate you. really.
all those sweet memories with you. the times we shared. it ended with a simple message just like that?

im just speechless.
i had no idea whether to be sad or just be okay about it.
i had no idea whether to cry or not but i cried enough.
speechless.
really.
:(